Where is your head at?

Random recap for the past few days.

For the past few days I have been going through a lot emotionally. I try to handle each situation differently as they occur, I’m beginning to get confused on how to handle this particular situation. Maybe it’s already handled and I’m not the problem solver. Either way I wish it could have been done differently.


My alarm clock went off this morning at 6:30am. Yeah, I know I’m on bedrest so no need for an alarm to go off; just used to it at this point. I need to keep my working brain on schedule. When it went off, I realized I had a dream about the person that was on my mind before I went to bed. As much as we think we can just walk away or ignore the connections we make in life, we can’t. There is so much time and effort that is put into a friendship, that you can’t just walk way with out blinking. Or can you…

I managed to get out of the bed today. I didn’t feel good at all and I’m tired of being in this house. I had to get something done today to make me feel like I’m making progress. So, what did I do…. I asked Malik to put my Glider (for the Nursery) together. He is not the best person to put anything together, but he managed to get it right today. I had to sleep on the floor with my sheet and pillow to make sure he wasn’t going to have me falling to the floor with the babies in tow. LOL I fell right into the supervisor role with not issue. He wasn’t to pleased. LOL

My mind has been running a mile a minute about this crazy situation. I look for baby items, clean, cook, walk from one room to another, play on the net or play the Wii and my mind makes a u-turn back this issue. It’s hilarious because I was doing so good all day Sunday and today. I have been telling myself I don’t need this problem but at around 4:30pm things changed. I wanted to scream!!!! WHY!!!!! You pulled me back in just seeing the name pop up. I started to wonder if a VM would be left or a text would be sent. I want that life so bad… No way will it happen though. Not even at 40... No one will ever let that go. I’m just to late to be that one I want to be.

Where is this going to go? Will it go as far as we thought? I miss it! I miss us! I miss so many things that I can’t have back. Is it time to move on in my life? I’m crying as I type this. This is extremely hard for me to open this door and close another one. Not sure if I’m ready for this. Love is stupid.!!