Me plus One

So, it has started and I’m so excited but scared.


Let’s run it back from the last time…

Morning sickness from hell at 9 or 10 weeks, all fried food made me sick, NO EGGS (well sunny side up eggs and we all know that’s how I like my em), the smell of sausage cooking made me want to go hide in my closet, horrible acne, and putting on weight. The biggest thing is… I wasn’t normal when it came to the cravings. I craved whatever I saw on TV, nothing I thought I would want. I used to have this thing where I told my husband that he would have to run to Philly to get me a cheesesteak. Yeah, had no craving for a famous Philly Cheesesteak. Oh and after wanting everything on TV, I got sick eating it. And, I wore the Sea sick wrist bands 24-7.

Things I miss from the first time…

My Roxy absolutely loved me, that dog wouldn’t leave my side. When I got up at 1 AM she got up to walk with me to the restroom. She even laid next to the tub until I was done in the toilet room. Jojo stayed on the lookout for intruders to the house. I swear no one that I didn’t know could get in that house without getting killed by my fur babies. They were very protective and I’m looking forward to that again.

I miss the baby bump. I used to go to bed and rub my own belly every night . It felt so good to know I was caring for a baby. Sounds crazy but even early on, I would talk to him and tell him how much I loved him, already. I’m so looking forward to that feeling again, that love I felt within and the joy it gave my soul. I’m looking forward to becoming a mother and given my child the love a mother should. Showing him or her what a stress free life is for a child, not allowing anyone to take their innocents away to early. Putting my mark on the world as a wonderful mother is all I want. Raising well rounded children is my dream.

So where am I now….

I’m a little over a week out, from having that feeling again. The sickness, the joy, the happiness and the fullness of my soul. I’m ready for it all. The sleepless nights, the crying baby because he/she is hungry, trying to breast feed, protecting the baby from the harsh world, changing diapers, buying baby clothes, furniture, and painting a room that has been waiting for its occupant for four years. I’m ready.

The process to this event has been daunting. I have had so many emotions, some of my own and others from the high level of estrogen I have to intake. I have been wearing four estrogen patches for the past nine days and you can tell how it has affected me on a daily basis. I do remember one thing that I enjoyed while pregnant last time, my sex drive was out of control. It was very fun for me though LOL.

I went to the doctor the other day and my E2 levels and uterine lining looks great. I have another appointment on the 25th of this month and we are off to the races at that point. Baby will be with mommy on the 1st with no delay. I will not buy anything for the first 5 or 6 months (due to what happen last time). But I will pray and pray hard every day/night, asking the Lord to keep my gift safe and unharmed while in the safest place.

Once I’m blessed with this gift, I will have to get a cerclage done at like 10 weeks. This is to hold the baby in so I wouldn’t have another miscarriage. I have weak cervix and we have to keep baby safe and sound for nine months.

I will say I’m worried that all the people that I have helped and loved over the years will turn their backs on me and baby. I feel like all that I have done for people doesn’t need to be returned, but showing me love is all I ask. I’m afraid I will be alone with no one to love me. This could really be the high estrogen levels. I have been very emotional lately. I need love…I really need love.
A baby to come, a party to be thrown and life to nourish. I’m so proud of me for taking these steps to take control of my life.

Oh and shhhh because no one in my family knows about this yet. I will not tell anyone until about 5 or 6 months. Just in time for someone to buy my $800 crib. LMAO