Who Am I?

Describe who you are as a person?

Who am I as a person… Wow, how do I really answer this question? I would like to think I’m a strong, ambitious, caring, motivated, faithful, loving, determined, dedicated, driven (3D Diva), a woman. A black woman. I’m all about advancement in life and my career. I want to be more and do more too get more.

How did you get to where you are right now in your life?

I believe with strong woman around me I have learned many things. I have come from a place where most young girls are having babies, doing drugs, or just out there in the world. I was blessed to have a Mother, God-mother, and Aunt that loved me enough to show me that I needed to be in school and carry myself with dignity.

I have learned so much from them… Each of them lived a different life and traveled a different path, but has learned from life experiences. My strength comes from them. My determination comes from those three women. Still to this day, they are molding me to become a wonderful mother (when it happens), wife, and a better asset to society.

We have to take control of our lives as well. I wanted to be a better person than those other young girls around me. I wanted to be something, do something, and be worth more. I have watch my mother and Aunt go to work for years on years as construction workers; they worked just as hard as all the men on the same job. They wanted out of the same ghetto I was born in… They moved on and made something of their lives. We have to stop blaming society for our down falls. Me being a teen mother, single mother, or just being a mother out of wedlock was not an option for me. I had bigger plans and I’m still growing and adjusting my life goals everyday. I never stop thinking that I am successful. As my SIL would say “speak it into existence”. Success is not an option for me; it’s my reality, it’s a must.

How do you feel about saying no to others?

I don’t have a problem saying no to others. I have a wonderful friend that will disagree with that. I can hear him now, saying “you spoil her or stop doing everything for her”. He sometimes thinks I can not say no to my sister. So, let me answer that question in two parts.

Saying no to family is a bit hard for me. I always feel if I have it they should have it. I do know that some family will take advantage of you. But again, I’m very smart and can tell when someone is being unappreciative. Family in my opinion comes first and they will most of the time have your back in any situation. So, when my sister asks for something, she will usually get it. I love her..

Saying no to others (not family) is not that hard for me. I will never deny anyone of anything if they are deserving of it. I have worked hard in my life. I have been through a lot, nothing was handed to me, and I have learn some hard life lessons, so if I say no to someone, they are not worthy of what they have asked for.

Are you comfortable being alone?

No, No, No, and NO!

I’m not comfortable being alone. Being alone for me is detrimental to my focus. I feel like I am motivated by other people, and being alone is not good for me.

I want to get really deep into this. Why can I not be alone or just being comfortable with myself? I have never really fit into one crowd or another, so I was alone for a lot of my years growing up. Sometimes even when people are around I feel alone. I never thought I fit in my family, I think different, act different, speak different, dress different, and had a totally different outlook on life.

Even though I grew up around my cousins and my brother my life experiences are totally different from theirs. I had it so much harder. Things that seem to hurt me didn’t bother them at all. Was I a cry baby? No, because I held so much inside and never let any of it out. I buried it deep in my soul in hopes it will never come back up. But as we all know, what you hide from, will find you one day.

I have become afraid of being alone physically and emotionally, for many reasons. I have decided not to go into complete detail, but just know that some people need love back. I spread myself so thin with making sure everyone around me is happy, I always seem to forget about me. I so want to be loved the same way I give love. It just never seems to happen. I’m very afraid of being alone now and in the future. I fear being without a husband, children, mother, brother, friends, sister or family.

What are my next steps?

My next steps are to focus on me more. Learn to love and care for me first. There is a saying “You have to make sure your up on both feet, before you try to help someone else up”. I need to live by this saying, easier said than done.

I also want to be happy with a family in my home, become Big Momma in years to come and love what the Lord has blessed me with.

I have thought about going back to school to finish what I have started and have the Dr. to precede my name. I have encouragement from all my family and friends.

Life is supposed to be fun. Ups and downs but fun at all times. Nothing in life will be easy and everything isn’t meant to be hard. Take it all in stride and learn from everything. Who knew you can fall in love in three weeks, care for pets as if they are your children, meet a staff for the first time and they love you as you love them, get so angry but contain yourself because you have learned from the times before, move to another state and love every aspect of waking up in the country, hearing the birds chirp through your beautiful picture window. Life is precious, so I will live everyday as if it was my last. Or at least try my hardest. :)